It’s been awhile, I know. Honestly, I haven’t felt much like writing. Between work and the kids, keeping up with the house and dogs, and trying to maintain a sense or normalcy (aka my composure) during a global pandemic, things have been pretty busy. And when not busy, I typically take the chance to soak in all the sweet baby snuggles that are flying by too quickly.
Eloise (now nicknamed Lolo against my better judgement) is 8, almost 9 months now, and is little miss vocal. She’s a girl on a mission, and no one will get in her way. Not even her brother who has a tendency to tackle, push, and hug her a little too rambunctiously. All leading me to believe, she’ll be one strong woman some day.
Auggie’s a little over 4 years old now, and enjoys all things loud and messy. If there’s a mess to be made, Auggie is your guy. I joke that he doesn’t actually play with his toys. He simply pulls them all out faster than one can stop him, then asks for his iPad, and calls it a day.
When not being little monsters, these kids really are the sweetest. There’s no denying how much they love each other, how darn smart they are, and how much this pandemic has impacted their little lives.
Bryson and I both work remotely now, or well, TRY to work remotely.
The first thing you learn about working from home with your kids is that you can’t do both. You’re guaranteed to either suck at one or be mediocre at both.
So, we often find ourselves alternating who gets to actually work while the other entertains the kids (read “keeps kids alive”). This has probably been the hardest adjustment. It’s difficult to feel like we’re not fulfilling the careers we care about and it’s even more difficult to watch my kids grow up without our intentional time.
Since the pandemic, Auggie has also become a bit more scared of strangers, automatically assuming they’e going to give him Covid-19. And, while I can’t disagree with his logic, it’s not a mindset I want for him to have as he ages.
I’m assuming, based off my trouble with anxiety, he will be preconditioned to have these thoughts throughout his life around more than just Covid. I’m aware that, at his age, this pandemic could be a trigger for him unfortunately.
If I can keep him from playing these mind games with himself, I’m going to do it! First step is working to try to identify the times that I feel anxious, and then show him how I push through it anyways. (Which, by the way, is dang hard!) If anyone has any books or activities I can do with him around anxiety, particularly health anxiety, please send me what you have!
Luckily, Eloise doesn’t know there’s anything going on. She was practically born into the pandemic. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t know and grieve for her. I tear up often thinking about the things she’s missing out on: hugs from extended family, admiration from the elderly couples at church, trips to the public pool, petting the farm animals at the State Fair, and maybe a first birthday party.
Hopefully, this too will pass and she won’t remember this time of isolation, but I’ll always look back to her first year with mixed emotions.
The age of coronavirus has been horrific. It has separated families, temporarily and permanently. It has caused fear and panic and highlighted the division in our nation. The pandemic has caused mental health and preventative health to be cast aside. It’s made us doubt ourselves and each other and exposed just how ugly human nature can be.
But, without Coronavirus, these things would still be there, hiding beneath the surface. People would still die. Prejudice would still exist. We would still be a fearful, selfish society who views those different from ourselves as dangerous rather than complementary.
The difference is that we can no longer hide it. I’m happy to have the opportunity to conquer these once hidden sins with my family while safe in our little bubble. And I look forward to the day when we burst out of this bubble and take what we’ve learned into yours. Promising to hear you, validate you as a person who is worthy, and then speak the truth in love. Until then, I guess you’ll have to read my blog.
Next Up: Auggie’s 4th Birthday Party (Quarantine Style) Synopsis and Photos
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